Young People Say the Funniest Things

31 Dec

Teachers regularly have unusual exchanges and encounters with their pupils, a key reason why they become who and what they are professionally.  Below are some pithy descriptions of these encounters. 

(1)        Teacher: Why can’t freshwater fish live in salt water?  Student: The salt would give them high blood pressure.

(2)        Teacher: Mira went to the library at 5:15 and left at 6:45. How long was Mira at the library? Student: Not long.

(3)        Teacher: What do we call a group of stars that makes an imaginary picture in the sky? Student: A consternation.

(4)        The headteacher was walking through the hallways at his middle school, when he saw a new substitute teacher standing outside his classroom with his forehead against a locker. He heard him mutter, “How did you get yourself into this?”

Knowing he was assigned to a difficult class, the headteacher tried to offer moral support. “Are you okay?” he asked. “Can I help?”

He lifted his head and replied, “I’ll be fine as soon as I get this kid out of his locker.”

(5)        Student: I don’t understand why my grade was so low. How did I do on my research paper?  Teacher: Actually, you didn’t turn in a research paper. You turned in a random assemblage of sentences. In fact, the sentences you apparently kidnapped in the dead of night and forced into this violent and arbitrary plan of yours clearly seemed to be placed on the pages against their will. Reading your paper was like watching unfamiliar, uncomfortable people interacting at a cocktail party that no one wanted to attend in the first place. You didn’t submit a research paper. You submitted a hostage situation.

(6)        In an exam, a student once wrote: “Drake circumcised the globe.”

(7)        Teacher:         What is the capital of England

Pupil:               E

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